The Hive

 This will be my Halloween post, as this is the most terrifying thing to ever happen to me.  The year was 2017, I was 27. I had moved to Michigan in 2016 after being released from prison. I was living with my dad and stepmom. I was ashamed that I had been imprisoned for such a dishonorable charge, and after being released did nothing but smoke, and fuck whores. I couldn't drink on account of my parole, as I had to give a piss test every day.  It was my mom's birthday on the 12th. A little tidbit about my family, we all have extravagant birthday parties. Whether it be in Key West, or a destination, all of us kids, and our parents had big parties. My 1st birthday was in Cabo San Lucas, my 16th was in  Cancún , and my 21st was in Las Vegas, and all of the parties between cost upwards of $1000. I am not sure how we financed these before Bob came along. For all of my life, my mother has been an acting teacher, and has made about $80k a year. My father was a long-haul truc...

 I have a lot of pet peeves. A lot. But this one, my god. Apologies for extra foul language, I've had one peach of a day. So, I'm sitting in this restaurant. I'm eating a shitty sandwich. I'll be honest, I was baked when I went in, and may or may not have misread the description on the menu as "sliced beef" to "ground beef". It was shit sandwich. But that's not the fucking point. I finished that goddamn sandwich- JESUS was that a fuckin' awful sandwich- and gulped down the rest of my soda. I waited until the waitress checked on me to ask for another Diet Pepsi (I know, it was one of those ghetto ass Pepsi restaurants. Get some fucking Coke Zero or some shit, I mean Jesus! I expect that the owner's think they're running a respectable establishment, but not when the Mug root beer tastes like jizz water) to get the taste of that fucking sandwich washed out of my system.  Ok, let me just get the sandwich out of the way. At the beginning o...

 If you haven't seen my family tree, I'll spell it out. My mom and dad had (in order) my brother, Demetrius Jr, my sister Lysandra, my brother Frankie, my sister Kathy, and me. That's all you need to know for this story. The year was 2007. I was 17, and in the middle of my junior year of high school in wonderful Key West, FL. It was 4 days before Christmas. At the time, it was me, Frankie, and Kathy living at home with the incomparable Bob Taylor, and my mother, Loretta. My brother Demetrius Jr. was in medical school, and my sister Lysandra was working at a department store and finishing up college. They both were my dad's favorites, and moved up to Michigan to be near him, and to go to school.  They lived together in Midtown near where Sandy was going to college at Wayne State. They both had to do some holiday shopping. They decided to take the bus from Midtown to Downtown to get some shopping done and called mom to talk an hour before they left. We didn't hear fro...

My mom and dad have always been important people in my life. But, if I'm being honest, they're both fuckups. Today, I'll be discussing both of them, and deciding who I think is the better parent.  My momma, Loretta (1962-) is a tough broad born and raised in Key West. Her side of the family is Russian, Swedish, and English. I never met my mom's parents, or in my grandfather's case, I don't remember. Her mom died in a car crash in '76, and her daddy died when I was two from what the coroner said was "starvation". If I'm being honest, my mom's side of the family is really gross. My grandmother's sister's kids all fuck each other. I know. Why am I sharing this?  Anyways, they all fuck each other on Aunt Serafina's house. Mom grew up quick, and she grew up mean, her fists got hard, and her wits got keen. She's no nonsense, she'll slap the shit out of you for minor infractions, and she makes one hell of a shoofly pie. From th...

 Usually on Halloween, I get absolutely blitzed by 9, and take an Uber home, where Louie's passing out candy. My Halloween drink of choice is Everclear with red food coloring in it (I call it "Vampire Blood"), my Halloween drug of choice is obviously ecstasy. Was at a haunted trail last year, took 2 tabs of ecstasy, had 4 panic attacks, and woke up November 1st inside one of the actors working the trail. Wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't the 65-year-old woman that played a hanging victim. All the makeup made it look like I was fucking a corpse. WORST. HALLOWEEN. EVER But not this year. Goddamnit, I can't fuck ANOTHER community theatre actress picking up some extra cash at a haunted trail. Not again! No more putting razorblades in candy! No more! I cannot STAND it again, goddamn you! No, I'm settling in into Louie's hospital room with 4 bottles of Nebuchadnezzar, and I'm gonna throw on some Ghoulia Roberts movies. Goddamnit, I'm gonna get d...

 As some of you may know, I have a daughter. And an ex-wife. She's a reaaaaal piece of work. Her name? ReAnn Dawson.  Her cup size? B. Her drink of choice? Miller Lite. Her cigarette of choice? Marlboro Reds. Her financial status? On welfare.  Why the fuck did I marry her? Well, let's start at the beginning. It was 2006. I was 16. I was struggling really hard to find my identity. Was I gay? Was I straight? I mean, Christ, what porn to watch? Well, I was out at the roller rink, hey mister-ing an old woman for a pack of cigarettes and some Gentleman Jack. After receiving my hard-earned items, 18-year-old ReAnn Dawson strolled down the street. Tits bouncing in a tight white tank top, black cargo shorts filled to the brim with bottles of pills, and large white New Balance shoes. My kind of girl.  I sat down outside of the roller rink, light a cigarette, and took a swig of whiskey. As she passed on by,  I whistled, and she laughed. "Shouldn't you be in school, honey?...

As I type this, I'm ecstatic. Well, as much as one can be considering the circumstances. I'm stuck at home with Covid (I caught it from some fuckhead at the hospital when I was visiting Louie), and I was just fucking about in my house when I out the good news. They were 6 feet under at last.  Let me start at the beginning. To preface, I apologize for being away from the blog, it's been a crazy month after Louie woke up. Like I said in a recent post, Louie had been trying to recall the kidnapper's voices, bodies, and the location he was held. Well, he came through. "They-- they were big...white...gross-" Louie hawked a loogie the size of Texas onto the floor (he had covid too) "In a goddamn fuckin'- looked like a--" he coughed again, "Chuck E Cheese..." he went to sleep. The police in the room jotted down notes and set out to find those son of a bitch bastards.  The local chapter of the FBI, a few of the better Taylor cops, Special Agent...

 Well, I was SOL (shit out of luck) this past week, as I took a Covid test and came up positive. I had to reschedule my Halloween party to the 28th, but then a guest of mine caught Covid, and I believe the party is off. This particular strain has done 3 things to me: #1 Trick me into thinking I'm full 24/7. #2 As a result of #1, I have not had a quality bowel movement in 3 days. #3 It feels like I've morphed into Linda Lovelace, and given oral for 90 minutes, as my throat is nearly swollen shut. Fuck Covid.  If you don't mind, I'll go in the format I used in the first post.  Now that I have Covid, I go to bed around 10:30 PM, and wake up around 10:30 AM. I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day, and my drink of choice is now Sparkling Ice and vodka in a Yeti cup.  Fuck the CDC, I don't feel good, and I'll do whatever the hell I want.  On the topic of food, I rarely eat, and when I do, I eat soft food (cold pasta, mashed potatoes). My mother has informed me that caffe...

I'm sorry to have not been active for a while, but I have good news...and bad news.  He's awake. He's confused. He's scared. He's...gross. He done shit himself once and pisses himself at least twice an hour. He can't walk, but he can talk. The first thing he said was:  "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit" I knew my Louie was back. I called for a nurse, tears bursting forth from my eyes.  More importantly, he can't fucking walk, and he has short term memory loss. He's giving us a vague description of the kidnappers and the area where he was kept, but I don't have a good feeling about it.  My baby's back. More updates to come.