Usually on Halloween, I get absolutely blitzed by 9, and take an Uber home, where Louie's passing out candy. My Halloween drink of choice is Everclear with red food coloring in it (I call it "Vampire Blood"), my Halloween drug of choice is obviously ecstasy. Was at a haunted trail last year, took 2 tabs of ecstasy, had 4 panic attacks, and woke up November 1st inside one of the actors working the trail. Wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't the 65-year-old woman that played a hanging victim. All the makeup made it look like I was fucking a corpse. WORST. HALLOWEEN. EVER
But not this year. Goddamnit, I can't fuck ANOTHER community theatre actress picking up some extra cash at a haunted trail. Not again! No more putting razorblades in candy! No more! I cannot STAND it again, goddamn you!
No, I'm settling in into Louie's hospital room with 4 bottles of Nebuchadnezzar, and I'm gonna throw on some Ghoulia Roberts movies. Goddamnit, I'm gonna get drunk, watch My Best Friend's Wedding, Notting Hill, Sleeping With The Enemy, Steel Magnolias, Erin Brockovitch, Eat Pray Love, and I'll cap it off with her new movie, Ticket to Paradise. I know she looks like the anaconda from Anaconda with her big ass mouth, but I just love her. She's gloriously awful.
What are you doing for Halloween?
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