Well, I was SOL (shit out of luck) this past week, as I took a Covid test and came up positive. I had to reschedule my Halloween party to the 28th, but then a guest of mine caught Covid, and I believe the party is off. This particular strain has done 3 things to me: #1 Trick me into thinking I'm full 24/7. #2 As a result of #1, I have not had a quality bowel movement in 3 days. #3 It feels like I've morphed into Linda Lovelace, and given oral for 90 minutes, as my throat is nearly swollen shut. Fuck Covid.
If you don't mind, I'll go in the format I used in the first post.
Now that I have Covid, I go to bed around 10:30 PM, and wake up around 10:30 AM. I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day, and my drink of choice is now Sparkling Ice and vodka in a Yeti cup. Fuck the CDC, I don't feel good, and I'll do whatever the hell I want.
On the topic of food, I rarely eat, and when I do, I eat soft food (cold pasta, mashed potatoes). My mother has informed me that caffeine makes you dehydrated, so I am not drinking coffee, and am on a strict vodka-water drinking diet. Speaking of diets, this is the best diet I've been on, I've had Covid since Saturday, and I've already lost a pound! God bless, and God damn!
Anyways, now that I'm gross and sick, I can't go into work, so I dick around with my vacation days at home. I've been watching a LOT of TV. Caught up with all my American Dad, all of my MasterChef Junior, all of my Vanderpump Rules, so finally, I got back into Criminal Minds. I'm watching season 8. Shit's boring as hell, but what do I have left to watch? Oh, I also rekindled my love for Jimmy Buffett. I was a HUGE Parrothead in 2019, but I dropped off. Now I'm back on the Buffett-train headed straight towards Margaritaville.
As I digress, my Saturday plans are royally fucked, so I plan on eating some mashed potatoes, and watching the new episodes of AHS 11. I hear it's good, so I'm looking forward to it. Did you hear Leslie Jordan died? God bless him. That was the cherry on top of this anal fisting of a week. Speaking of anal fisting, I've finally gotten around to checking out the new 50 Shades on audiobook (the only suitable way to absorb the literary prowess of the dumpy muppet that EL James is) so that's gonna be the weekend. I was informed that I must wear a mask for 5 days after I'm released from this hell they call quarantine, so I think my next few days are gonna be whacking it in the bathtub to the new adventures of old Christian Grey.
On Sunday, I will go to virtual mass. As a nonbeliever, I think my amoral behavior in this may explain the crippling side effects of this goddamned virus. You know what Dick Curless says, right? "A drunkard is a sinner, on this I place no doubt." I think I'm a drunkard, to say the least. After these 10 days are over, watch out programa de 12 pasos in Southwest Detroit.
Check out my future covid updates. I hate everything, everyone, and contemplate blowing my goddamn brains out every ten minutes due to this crippling Deep Throat thing I have going on down my trachea. But I stay alive for Louie, and my baby- due in 3 months!!
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