As I type this, I'm ecstatic. Well, as much as one can be considering the circumstances. I'm stuck at home with Covid (I caught it from some fuckhead at the hospital when I was visiting Louie), and I was just fucking about in my house when I out the good news. They were 6 feet under at last.
Let me start at the beginning. To preface, I apologize for being away from the blog, it's been a crazy month after Louie woke up. Like I said in a recent post, Louie had been trying to recall the kidnapper's voices, bodies, and the location he was held. Well, he came through. "They-- they were big...white...gross-" Louie hawked a loogie the size of Texas onto the floor (he had covid too) "In a goddamn fuckin'- looked like a--" he coughed again, "Chuck E Cheese..." he went to sleep. The police in the room jotted down notes and set out to find those son of a bitch bastards.
The local chapter of the FBI, a few of the better Taylor cops, Special Agent Thor Stromberg, and I tracked them down to an abandoned Dave & Busters in Ohio. (Special Agent Stromberg also tracked a rather large silicone item into an abandoned Dave & Busters of my own) They killed them on sight. I shouted that one of them had a gun, and they took my word. That was only half true. I may have seen one of them go for their gun. Maybe...they might've just scratched their ass, and I thought they were going for a Glock in their waistband. But who gives a shit? They're FUCKING DEAD!
If I may stray from the main narrative, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST was Special Agent Stromberg attractive. Wore a 3 piece navy suit, smoked like a chimney, only drank Irish coffee, and to cap it off, he was 6 feet tall, and 8 inches (if you catch my drift). Bald, chiseled, with a John Holmes mustache. I just wanted to guzzle his-
Anyways, they shot the cocksuckers on sight. 10 bullets each. Heart, liver, spleen, lungs, just fucking leveled those cocksuckers. The cops and the feds were great, too, even let me mutilate one's genitals. Okay, that last one was a lie, but how fun would that be? Seriously? Sticking a branch up one of their-
Anyways, they identified all 10 of them- Hazel Bazels, Sinjin St. John, Clum Bizzelscotum, Pete Pendelman, LeVar Crush, Billy Jesusworth, Yockov McGruder, Deganya Smith, Steele Birchington, and Ernest Schlumple. I don't know why I'm sharing the names of these pieces of subhuman shit, as they tormented my love for weeks, but I thought you might want to know if you have explosive diarrhea and would like to take a humungous leaky shit all over their final resting place.
I'll be posting a photo of Smith's body (she was the first to be shot, she was the one that scratched her ass) Holy shit, I haven't gotten a boner from blood spray like that since I was killing women and kids in Columbia 8 years back. They ravaged her with lead, in a way I could only wish to. I mean, Christ almighty! I got a half chub just looking at her!
Anywho, they're dead, revenge exacted. Yada yada.
After hearing of the strife Louie and I have been in for the past months, Governor Whitmer has sent a letter congratulating me on my courage, and Mayor Woolley has scheduled a luncheon meeting to sing my praises. Hopefully that's not ALL we'll be doing.
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