My Great-Great Stepmom's Return From The Dead, and How She's Creating A New Movement of Feminism in 2022

 My Great-Great Stepmom's name is Claudia Larue. She was born on May 5th, 1880, in Springfield MA. She was married to my great-great grandfather John McLaughlin in 1902. They were happily married until 1930, when she died. And the rest of the story is truly fucked. 

Born to poor farmers in 1880, Claudia fought for her rights as a voter and an American during the suffrage movement of the early 20th century. That was, until 1930. John came home one night, whiskey on his breath, and rage in his eyes. They started arguing, and she stepped outside to get some air. 10 minutes later, John came out of the house wielding a hunting knife and stabbed her to death. When the police showed up, he tried to stab them, and was shot to death.  She was buried 2 weeks later, where she laid for 90 years. But then...

She came back. 

We were noticed on the 4th of October 2015 that something was awry with Claudia's final resting place. Her coffin was unearthed, and empty. Her tombstone broken into pieces. We were worried, she was a pillar of the community in her day, and surely there'd be outrage over the defiling of her grave. But then she showed up at my father's doorstep, looking no more than 50 years old, with a plethora of stab wounds to her side- and she hasn't aged since. She took one look at my father and fell in love. She said he had the charming, good looks of Teddy Roosevelt, and the machismo of an Italian. They got married the next week, and they've fucked like rabbits for the past 7 years. And then, she got right back to work. 

In 2016, with the election coming around, Claudia got to work on the Florida facet of the Hilary Clinton campaign and busted her ass for her. Clinton even gave her a commendation at a Democrat dinner. Guests included Cher, the Obamas, and Betty White. 

After Clinton's awful and disgraceful loss, Claudia got back to work, and volunteered her time with RAINN (rape, abuse, and incest national network), and just recently got back into politics, as she's campaigning for the pro-choice movement in Michigan and Florida. Claudia has come under fire from people on social media for making innumerable death threats towards Ron DeSantis. She powered through every single obstacle that came in her way- from an unexpected pregnancy to dad getting amnesia, to a near death experience with her favorite sex toy, she could handle it is. Until- tragedy stuck. 

Dad died. His amnesia took the best of him, and he forgot where he was, walking onto the highway, and getting flattened by a semi-truck. Claudia was heartbroken. She took up drink, she took up smoking, she took up anonymous sex. And she loved it. The rest of the family was perplexed. So, we had an intervention. It was me, Louie, Mom,  Bob (my stepdad), my sister Kathy and her husband, Aunt Chris, Uncle Ray, and Aunt Laura. We surprised her as she came back from the grocery store. She walked in, and damn near dropped the eggs. Everyone said something, and then it was my turn. I asked, "Claudia, what in the fresh fuck are you doing, fucking the cock off anything that moves, sucking down wine like it's going out of style, and taking care of cigars like they're business?" and she said- "Bomby, darling, when I was your age, it was 1912. I couldn't have sex with anyone besides my husband, I couldn't smoke, and I certainly couldn't drink. Well, I was murdered, and I waited 90 long years in my crypt to get to do this, and not a goddamn motherfucking thing you can say's gonna stop me." And I agree. She can do what in the hell she wants. She's never gonna die, she's never gonna age, so might as well live it up! I told her this, and she looked at me. A twinkle in her eye, light a cigar, and said "Bring me another lover!"

She's an icon, and she knows it. God bless her. 

On the next post about my family, I'll cover my father's second cousin Barty Goldstein, and his many wives, and many lives.